Nicknames at school

[MountainMoon22]

My son has gone by his nickname since he was born, and he knows himself as C.J. His preschool teacher has, against my wishes, chosen to address him as Carl. To him, that's his father's name. So now I'm receiving notices on his report card that he doesn't know his name in a list - of course he doesn't, she just changed it three months ago and decided to call him that. This is really frustrating to me.

Can they just do this?

[Kensey]

My son has gone by his nickname since he was born, and he knows himself as C.J. His preschool teacher has, against my wishes, chosen to address him as Carl. To him, that's his father's name. So now I'm receiving notices on his report card that he doesn't know his name in a list - of course he doesn't, she just changed it three months ago and decided to call him that. This is really frustrating to me.

Can they just do this?

Not by me they can't. Every person has the right to specify his own name. It's not only dumb to insist on calling him "Carl", it's downright rude bordering on offensive.

I'd complain to the principal first, then the school board.

[JiveTurkey]

I might inform the teacher that your son knows his name is CJ, and you do not wish to change it at this time.

[grafxgirl]

My grandmother told me that they always called my dad Bobby growing up, and they decided that they needed to start referring to him as Robert because he was going to be starting school, so one day she yelled to him in the back yard "Robert!", and his friend looked at him and said "Bobby, you're mom is calling for you." My dad looked back at his friend and said "No she's not, she's yelling for someone named Robert." LOL!

I know a lot of teachers who choose to call kids by their given names rather than their nicknames. This is a thought that I had. Maybe she is doing it because it is something he is going to have to deal with the rest of his life. The name on his birth certificate is Carl, not CJ (I'm assuming). Maybe you could talk her into at least addressing him as CJ, even if she does want him to write and recognize his name as Carl on his papers, desk, cubby? I know in Kindergarten they use the children's names to teach reading, and using a nickname that consists of two capital letters makes it hard to teach the objectives. Here are a few of the objectives they teach, related to a child's name, in Kindergarten.

* Your name is a word.
* Your name has letters in it.
* Your name starts with a letter that is always the same.
* Your name starts with a capital letter. The other letters are lowercase.
* Your name is always written in the same way.
* You can find your name by looking for the first letter.
* You can write the letters in your name.
* You can connect your name with other words.
* You can use the letters in your name along with other letters to write messages.
* Your initials are the first letters of your first name and your last name


I don't know if you know this or not, but Chase's name is actually Reagan Chase. We just choose to call him by his middle name, but we knew that when he went to school, to he doctor, the dentist, or anywhere else that asks for a First, Middle and Last name, that he was going to have to know it, know how to spell it, and know how to read it, so we've always made it a point to interchange it when we address him. He answers to either Reagan or Chase and if we ask him what his name is he will tell you it's Reagan Chase. As we kind of figured, everyone except for family and the people who know that we call him Chase, all refer to him as Reagan.

[Kensey]

Here are a few of the objectives they teach, related to a child's name, in Kindergarten.

* Your name is a word.
* Your name has letters in it.
* Your name starts with a letter that is always the same.
* Your name starts with a capital letter. The other letters are lowercase.
* Your name is always written in the same way.
* You can find your name by looking for the first letter.
* You can write the letters in your name.
* You can connect your name with other words.
* You can use the letters in your name along with other letters to write messages.
* Your initials are the first letters of your first name and your last name


All of those except the first, fourth and maybe the last are still teachable with an initialized nickname, and if an objective isn't teachable with such a name, it's not a valid objective (unless you use it to teach that rules sometimes have exceptions).

[derricksonb]

I might inform the teacher that your son knows his name is CJ, and you do not wish to change it at this time.

Agreed. Also I'm assuming that this is a private preschool vs a one offered at a local public school. As such you may want to inform the administrator that so long as you are paying the bill for their services your son will be addressed by whatever name you, THE PARENT, feel is best for the development of your child.

[Neophyte Man]

she just changed it three months ago and decided to call him that. This is really frustrating to me. Not sure why she took it on herself to change this without asking you. I think the best thing to do is talk to her again about it,in hopes that she will listen because the only other way sure will create a lot of trouble. Changing classes,going above her head,and so on is more trouble. So I would ask her for a minute of her time,find some common ground, if she likes coffee take her a cup for the talk. If you think she won't be reseptive to you let Carl go in there and charm her or him, sounds silly but works sometimes.
His preschool teacher has, against my wishes I just don't understand why the teacher would go against your wishes it's an easy request for her to follow and the preschool money is coming out of your pocket I am sure.

[Riverwoman]

You are your son's best advocate. If the teacher won't comply with your wishes on a name, how can you trust her to support you on anything else? The teacher/parent relationship is important at this very early age. Stand your ground and insist your child be addressed the way you want. How would you like it if a total stranger decided YOU should be called by another name and then dinged you on a report when you didn't answer to it?

[lar]

My friend's son is Randy, Jr. after his dad and they call him R.J. and I don't believe in BRES they have ever had a problem with that.

Grafxgirl, do you mostly call him "Reagan Chase" when you are trying to get his attention as in an authoritative way? I know when I add my kids middle name to the way I address them I am usually trying to get their attention.

[grafxgirl]

All of those except the first, fourth and maybe the last are still teachable with an initialized nickname, and if an objective isn't teachable with such a name, it's not a valid objective (unless you use it to teach that rules sometimes have exceptions).

I was just listing some of the objectives that are taught in connection with a child's name. Obviously, a two-letter nickname will work for most, not all. I wasn't going to just pull out the ones that would support my argument and leave the rest tucked away. It is possible she is trying to teach him how to recall and recognize the written form of basic information like his legal name, phone number, mailing address, and city and town he lives in. These are all things they teach in kindergarten. It's part of the 21st century learning. They want kids to be able to take this information and use it in real world situations. Examples would be if a child gets lost or there is an emergency.

I would come right out and ask the teacher why she refuses to call him by his nickname and see what her answer is.

[lar]

Kind of a variation, do you remember when we were in school, kids used to change the spelling of their name. Like from Debbie to Debbi, to be cute. My name is Lee which is typically the male spelling of the girl name Leigh. So imagine what I go through on a daily basis, most people who don't know me or mail is for "Mr." it is annoying but I am used to it.

[grafxgirl]

My friend's son is Randy, Jr. after his dad and they call him R.J. and I don't believe in BRES they have ever had a problem with that.

Grafxgirl, do you mostly call him "Reagan Chase" when you are trying to get his attention as in an authoritative way? I know when I add my kids middle name to the way I address them I am usually trying to get their attention.

I do use both the first and middle names together in an authoritative way, but when I talk to him regularly I say Reagan or Chase.

[MountainMoon22]

I have a teacher conference this week, so I'm going to talk to her there - the teacher is otherwise wonderful. CJ doesn't care and he knows his full name, and my husband thinks it's no big deal, so that's what prompted me not to say anything so far. But it bugs me. I'm a a teacher too (even though they're older) and the first thing I ask when I meet a new class and go through the roster is: "do you have another name that I should use?"

Then again, I don't want to be a control freak, because I'm sure if I send him to Catholic school and the nun says the same thing, I'd just shrug it off and say "Whatever you think is best, Sister."

[Black Dog]

I have to confess that I've never really understood nicknames. My sister and her husband named their first son John, after my BIL (who sort of complained all his life about being named after his father). They decided at the time they named him that they would not call him John, but Jay. Why not just name him Jay? It kind of seems like if you're not going to call a child by the name on his birth certificate and if people will not know them by that name, then is it truly their name?

[kemeigen]

I have to confess that I've never really understood nicknames. My sister and her husband named their first son John, after my BIL (who sort of complained all his life about being named after his father). They decided at the time they named him that they would not call him John, but Jay. Why not just name him Jay? It kind of seems like if you're not going to call a child by the name on his birth certificate and if people will not know them by that name, then is it truly their name?

this made me laugh a little bit. my entire family calls me beebee eyes. they have practically since the day i was born. i can imagine telling people my name is beebee eyes. :)

but, yeah, i see your point.

[sidhe]

My son's birth certificate says Daniel..... he's never been called Daniel. As a little guy his name was Danny, then sometime in middle school he decided that his name was Dan and wouldn't answer to Danny. As an adult (CJ isn't there yet) Dan knows what his name is, and signs documents properly. I don't think a teacher ever tried to call him Daniel, not for very long anyway.

[ValentineJessi]

I took this into consideration when I was picking names for a baby. I wanted to make sure I wasn't going to give my child a name that would come with a nickname I couldn't stand, and if I liked a nickname, instead of a name, I went with the nickname. Ex. Calyssa....I didn't care for the name Calyssa, but loved the nickname Caly, so I decided if I was going to have a girl, her name would just be Caly. I did the same thing with boy names, my bf would say a name, and I would say nooo because I don't want him to be called this or that. My name is Jessica, and I get called Jess or Jessi all the time, and actually I prefer that. Most people when saying Jessica say jessca, and leave out the I part sound of my name....really aggravates me...idk why, just does.

[katybelle]

My grandson Tj is called Thomas by his teachers. They make him write it on his papers, etc. I understand the point of him knowing his legal name (he's the 3rd) but I feel they should at least call him by Tj. His mother refuses to push the issue, so He's Thomas at school and Tj everywhere else.

My daughter Erin was somehow nicknamed Magoo as a baby. No one remembers quite why. It later changed to Erin the Queen of Magoo. I was also contacted by school because in Kindergarten Erin insisted to the teachers her full name was Erin the Queen of Magoo, not Erin Van Yuga as the records stated. This time I had to agree the school was right about her knowing her real name...

[longleaf]

I have officially changed my name to longleaf, just to satisfy the question.

[LFE]

Differant house, differant rules is what we always tell our kids.
At school, it would be the teachers rules they have to work by (with hopes that things stay within some sort of generally acceptable boundaries of course). I could see/want a persons real name at least written on assignments... but for regular conversations always sort of liked the teacher that asked the class "what do you like to be called".

Clearly a nickname made by your family that you go by on a regular basis should be OK... however ones that your friends (close or not) come up with might not be. Certain circles in NC still call my brother jughead... however I never heard a teacher call him that :-)

[Mommyof3]

my given name is Clarissa. I have never ever gone by that. It has always been Crissy. I never had teachers in school force me to use that name. Usually on the first day- they would roll call...and when called out Clarissa- I would just say "it's Crissy" - and it was never a problem.

[twisted thread]

When my daughter was born we named her Margaret Elizabeth and called her Maggie for a day or two. Her Grandmother (father's side) and Godmother objected so we called her Meggie. In third grade she said she was MAGGIE, so ok, she became Maggie. Then at the end of sixth grade she said there were too many named Megan, Maggie, or Meg so could we change her name. So we called my mother to get the spelling for her name in Finnish. Thus she became Maija-Liisa. About a week before Seventh grade started my other daughter and I went to the principal of the Junior High School and told him that though her official and on record name was to remain Margaret Elizabeth, she wanted to be called Maija-Liisa, pronounced as Maya-Lisa. No problem he said. Meanwhile I landed a job as a Special Needs assistant so happened to be in her first Social Studies class on the first day of school as the teacher was calling roll. He suddenly stopped, looked up and said "is there a girl in here named MaHeA, the Spanish pronunciation. She raised her hand and gave him the correct pronunciation. She was 12 at the time, and ever since has been Maija-Liisa. Any report cards, official documents, and award certificates have her name as Margaret Elizabeth. Basketball and Soccer games were fun when there was an announcer who first would trip over the name, then give extra attention, using her name as well as her number. I think the unusual name has given her lots of advantages over the years. She was 29 the day before yesterday, and going to have her first baby in March. She is refusing to tell me what they are going to name and call the baby.

[MoeMoe]

my name/nickname was actually given to me by my 5th grade teacher, and it stuck like glue ever since...except my Mom hated it, but eventually had to accept it. A girl named Maureen sat in the same seat in my class the year before, and was called Moe, so the teacher naturally began to call me that name. I do know that if I dont tell people to call me Moe..of course they dont,( say someone who cuts my hair) but if even one person hears , say my husband call me that ( like people I work with )...it spreads quickly. Be sure you call him CJ in front of everyone at school, and maybe HE can tell her .." everyone calls me CJ"..thats what I do, and it works immediately.

[Starbuck]

I changed the spelling of my name in high school. But dropping a letter was not really a big deal.

Also, no one at Baby Girl's school calls her by her given name, but by her nickname. The Boy went also by his nickname...but some of his friends have and still use his given name, and then he went through a brief period where he used two other nicknames ("Rick," and "Rickie").

I too am interested to know the teacher's reasoning though. Did you ever ask her?

[lar]

He'll always be Richard to me!