Elementary School Age Bedtimes

[LazerFlash]

MoeMoe's question about homework prompted me to bring this topic up...

Our grands are 21 months apart - one is 8 and her sister just turned 10. Unfortunately, due to circumstances entirely beyond their control, they share a (large) bedroom. In the past few months, the issue of bedtime has become a real head-banger. I'd like to ask opinions on two things... Without factoring in important variables such as daily activity levels, what do other parents/caregivers consider a good 'base' bedtime for a 2nd grader (7-8 years old) and a 4th grader (9-10 years old)? That said, how would *you* deal with the inevitable, "It's not fair" issue of the older one being allowed to stay up later - and sleeping in the same room - as the younger one? My wife's daughter is close to the end of her rope with this one, and much of what we've suggested has either failed miserably, (resulting in fighting and tears, sometimes hours after being put to bed), or been rejected out of hand.

[Jenniffer]

Our (almost) 9 and 11 year olds (who also share a room) have had an 8 o'clock bedtime for years and years. At 8PM, they brush, floss, and put on PJs, and then their dad reads them each a story (or chapter) of their choosing. They can read on their own for a while, if they want, and lights go out @ 9PM. My 13 year old (who has his own room) also flosses, brushes, washes up and puts on his PJs @ 8PM. Then he gets to hang out and do whatever (quietly) until 9PM. At 9PM, he gets in bed, reads, writes in his journal, etc, until lights go out @10PM. When the littles asked about it, we told them that it was privilege that they could earn, too, once they were teenagers. It's something they're looking forward to. I think it would be disruptive to the younger one to have the bedtime hustle and bustle going on once s(he) had already settled down for bed, and would probably keep them on the same schedule, if it were me. At their ages, they probably need the same amount of sleep, anyway, yeah? ETA: Ours get up @ 8AM every morning, if that makes a difference.

[AAT53]

MoeMoe's question about homework prompted me to bring this topic up...

Our grands are 21 months apart - one is 8 and her sister just turned 10. Unfortunately, due to circumstances entirely beyond their control, they share a (large) bedroom. In the past few months, the issue of bedtime has become a real head-banger. I'd like to ask opinions on two things... Without factoring in important variables such as daily activity levels, what do other parents/caregivers consider a good 'base' bedtime for a 2nd grader (7-8 years old) and a 4th grader (9-10 years old)? That said, how would *you* deal with the inevitable, "It's not fair" issue of the older one being allowed to stay up later - and sleeping in the same room - as the younger one? My wife's daughter is close to the end of her rope with this one, and much of what we've suggested has either failed miserably, (resulting in fighting and tears, sometimes hours after being put to bed), or been rejected out of hand.


My 3rd grader gets ready for bed and into bed by 8:30, then he can read or draw until 9pm when it is lights out.
My 7th grader has to be showered and ready for bed by 8:30, but she doesn't have lights out until 9:30 usually. Sometimes she is a bit cranky during the day, so she has lights out at 9pm on those nights.

There has never been crying and whining hours after bedtime. That's just silly IMO. Their mom needs to just set bedtime for each and that is that..they don't get a say. They are 8 and 10 and whether they like it or not their mother knows best when it comes to how much sleep they need each night.

[LFE]

Its not fair...
Putt em both to bed at the same time and let them stay up later on the weekends if you want to have problems on Monday....

[lar]

I have never scaled things by age in my house, in hindsight I wish I had, more. Anyway, our household, parents included, are almost automatically bunkered down by 9 pm. We have TVs in our rooms so we fall asleep to TV and it would be weird if everyone wasn't asleep by 10 pm on most nights, often including weekends. We jam pack so much in our days starting at 5 am and often not getting home until 8 pm, we are all exhausted at the end of the day.

The only thing that causes my kids to stay up late is the wretched hair, if it is straightening night! (or Jersey Shore!)

[Mommyof3]

My 9yr old and 13 yr old are in their beds by 8:30 with lights/tv off by 9. (seperate rooms) The 9 yr old never watches tv and almost goes to sleep instantly. The 13 yr old watches tv and sometimes flows over to 9:30, i don't fight her much on this because she gets up easily in the morning.
My 15 yr old is on his own sched. He goes up to his room at 8:30/9pm depending on his homework load and he puts himself to bed after watching tv/games (often after i am asleep). He also gets himself up in the mornings without trouble. Sometimes though he is working on homework past 11- if he had sports in the afternoon. And once a week he has hockey training that lasts til almost midnight. :/ He is looking forward to summer and sleeping in the most!

[caroline]

When I was a kid (only child) I did not have a bed time I went to bed when my parents said it was bed time as far back as I can remember. Would this not work for the girls? They could both go to bed at the same time if it was not treated like a privelage just a situation dependant decision.Presenting this rationally to them may make them feel more mature and encourage responsibility. FYI- I DO NOT HAVE KIDS so no experience from the other end just my 2 cents.

[katybelle]

I had a large family. My system was similar to Jenniffer's. The kids in elementary school started their bedtime routines around 8:30 and then at 9 a story was read. Lights out after that. We did not have TVs in the kids rooms. I work in an elementary school and the kids that are allowed to stay up later really do suffer in the classroom.

[grafxgirl]

My kids are 4 and 7. They go to bed at 9pm Sun-Thursday and 10pm on Fri and Sat nights. There is no whining or complaining because it is what it is whether they like it or not.

[bmusser]

My kids are a little younger. My son is 5 and will be in kindergarten next year. He has an 8:00 bedtime unless he's acting up, then it's 7:30. My daughter (3) follows the same schedule. There's no arguing or whining. We have had the same routine since they were babies, so they know what's coming. I doubt it'll change in the fall once he starts school. It'll probably be earlier for a while until he gets used to the school routine. He's the one that gets upset if he has to go to bed before his sister if he can't behave. But that's our rules and he knows it.

[lar]

I do have to say I have one child who is a night owl sometimes mostly as it pertains to texting/phone so we have to put the cell phones up at night. This particular child is a bear in the morning no matter what time she goes to sleep. I think she's adopted.

[MoeMoe]

LF....another good question because I almost fell on the floor when they told us here that the bus came for them at 7AM!!!!! after used to Jeff Cty school times of 9-3, approx. We do basically the same...all out by 9, the latest....very difficult because they must be up by 6:15....but send them to bed at 7? no...I would rather see them go to school for another week in June and change the hours to later...but thats not going to happen. Maybe your DIL could watch Supernanny.....she is good abt bedtimes. Must be very frustrating and upsetting for the whole family....kids that age need sleep.

[jenentonik]

We start the bed time process at 8:00 with changing in to PJ's and brushing teeth. In bed and lights out by 8:30. I do allow tv in his bedroom which he will lay there and watch but he is always asleep by 9 when I go and check. The kids head hits the pillow and its off to dream world for him;) I guess Im lucky!!

[PhoenixOrion]

Our boys (9 & 7) share a room and bedtime has always been 9:00. They start their routine at 7:30 (showers, changing for bed, getting clothes & such ready for next day, drink of water, teeth brushed, story, etc) so there is no excuse when 9 rolls around.