Family Matters

[MoeMoe]

My VERY sweet friend and neighbor has 2 boys...both a handful..one just in grade school...the other home all day...she JUST had a baby girl...3 months ago...bless her heart. When I say this couple are the nicest ppeople, I mean it.

She called me crying today...her family, sister, Mom is within one hour away, and stayed to care for the boys when the new baby came..once she came home..they got out of here to give the new family time for themselves...new routine, new everything...

His family is in another state, and have picked this time to NOW visit...just when they have possibly gotten a routine started. Their home is a nice size...NOT the point...she wants to know HOW do you tell people that should know better....a HOTEL is much appreciated.

They go to bed.. try to.... VERY early...7:30....their company wants to stay up and VISIT/ party. I feel so bad....any advice? I feel for her...a person that cannot!! say no...and with a smile...

[Kensey]

She might need somebody to come over and be the "bad cop", just be straight rude, saying things like "Do you people even realize what a massive imposition this is? Do you ever think at all? Have you considered acting like caring family instead of complete idiots?" That way the things get said and the point gets made without her or him having to do it and strain the relationship.

[mom24girls]

Stupid question...If they live that close - within an hours drive - why are they spending the night? And, from the tone of the original post, more than one night? My parents, sister, inlaws all live about 90 minutes from here. We, and they, would never consider a stay longer than a few hours unless explicitly invited, from the beginning, to spend the night.

[danid512]

I think she meant the wife's family came to visit when the baby was born but then got out of the way once things were settled. Now the hubby's fam is up visiting from out of state, and seems to be a stressful situation?

Seems like it's too late to do much this time, other than hubby needs to sit 'em down and let them know that they're trying to get into a routine with the new baby. Tell them when they need to quiet down for the evening, that they both need their sleep and will not be staying up late, etc. I'm sure they'll understand. A lot of people don't think about things like that unless they have been through the same situation themselves. And even then, people are a little clueless.

Next time, it should be expressed that they need to stay in a hotel if its a problem. If it were just a set of grandparents or something, that'd be one thing. But it sounds like more than that.

[LFE]

If they can afford to pay for the room... ask them to stay at the Quality Inn? (the one on the E side of 340 heading into HF on the hill) "so the kids can go play in the pool"

[Mommyof3]

Tell the husband to strap on his balls and tell his family that his kids need to keep to their routine, and everyone should go stay at the hotel. If they can't afford it, maybe the husband/wife could pitch in.

[AAT53]

I think it was nice of her husbands family to wait 3 months to visit. They probably wanted to give them time to get a routine down and 3 months sounds reasonable to me.

That being said, it really isn't a difficult situation to handle. Her husband should call a few local hotels and find out how much it will cost for a room. Then he can either talk to his family and let them know the cost or offer to pay for it. All he has to do is just tell them that the schedule they have requires them to go to bed very early, so it would be very helpful to them if family would stay at a hotel.

[lar]

I know I wanted privacy with my "new" babies. If it is three months later, I think she should suck it up and deal with it.

[spatulagirl]

This probably should have been discussed prior to the husbands' family coming to visit.

[TheChipmunks]

Husbands tend to turn into little boys when their families visit. I have witnessed this first hand. It seems "really hard" for them to say anything that might upset the dear parents, and to that end, husbands just shut down.

It is SO difficult to DROP BIG OL FAT HINTS when the intendeds are not the type to pick them up anyway, so my advice is to simply say, "Oh, it's 7:30, bedtime!" And then get up and go to bed. If the fam doesn't feel they are being sufficiently "entertained" then maybe next time they will stay at the hotel. :)

I hope she gets the rest and routine that she needs. :)

[Chutney Daftcraft]

This probably should have been discussed prior to the husbands' family coming to visit.

http://blog.2modern.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/james-joyce-4.jpg

[MoeMoe]

I know I wanted privacy with my "new" babies. If it is three months later, I think she should suck it up and deal with it.
:) Oh, that she did, and still may be doing...

[lar]

Well in her defense, I hope they maybe limited their visit to no more than a week if they came from out of town. My in-law family usually keeps their visits to a couple days which is good.

[LazerFlash]

The husband's family *may* not even realize they're doing anything wrong. The whole idea that family would stay in a hotel during a visit, unless there's just no room at the home, is kind of anathema to some people. My ex-wife's family felt that way, both when they visited and when we visited them. I'll never forget the look of unabashed disgust my ex-MIL gave me when I told her that we really needed to get to the hotel to check in. (We had stopped at her one-bedroom condo on our way to the hotel.) So, my advice to your friend is to either deal with it, or sit down with the guests and politely explain the situation and let the chips fall where they may. (BTW, I like the Quality Inn with the pool idea!)

[Kensey]

The whole idea that family would stay in a hotel during a visit, unless there's just no room at the home, is kind of anathema to some people. My ex-wife's family felt that way, both when they visited and when we visited them. I'll never forget the look of unabashed disgust my ex-MIL gave me when I told her that we really needed to get to the hotel to check in.

Now that I think of it, I remember reserving a hotel for the night before my grandfather's funeral, and my aunt all but ordering me to cancel the reservation and stay with her. (No dice. I would have gone insane...)