Is there such a thing as overcelebration?

[MountainMoon22]

My sisters and I were discussing this and it's a little controversial - I've noticed a trend towards parents celebrating absolutely every milestone with a huge party, presents, and cakes.
An example of this would be a preschool graduation ceremony and party. To each their own, but if people go nuts with these sort of non-accomplishments (everybody graduates from preschool if they go)
does it undermine the real accomplishments? I think it's important to attend all of the functions as a parent, but I'm always at a loss for what to really celebrate.

This goes with children's events like birthday parties, bar mitvahs, confirmations and graduation parties becoming a competition among parents. I think it's a case of the middle class mimicking
the upper classes. It also seems to reinforce the idea that money and stuff is way more important than it actually is. I also think that not getting absolutely everything you want all the time helps build character.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for building a child's self esteem, but I wonder what the kids are learning by this sort of thing - by celebrating absolutely every event, are we turning our kids into self-assured confident grown-ups, or selfish, entitled, materialistic ones? I don't want to raise a Kardashian, but neither do I want my child to feel undermined because he's the only one without a giant, clown-toting, birthday superadventure. What do you think?

[LFE]

Its pretty hard to teach a kid the value of a dollar these days.... and I think they need to understand that you don't buy stuff you can't afford. I'm not really into video games and my kids are. They are currently working hard to save enough money for some new server on mindcraft (credit for that one thankfully was not an option :-)

1. 14:59
   The Rolling Stones - You Can't Always Get What You Want - LA Forum Live 1975 OFFICIAL
   
   

[MoeMoe]

I get what you are saying. My friend told me , last year at the 5th grade grad, some parents got a limo!! I was shocked, yet when I was driving away from this years, I saw a huge white limo coming in as I was leaving. If I hadnt seen it myself, I am not sure I would have believed it!!

[cindylu]

To each his own. Hopefully some of these kids don't get disappointed when their parents can no longer afford to celebrate all those tiny events.

[Tony]

Presumably the parents must be shifting money away from somewhere - especially in a tough economy. But I have no answers.

I'm surprised LFE didn't come up with this Youtube that was trending last week:

[LFE]

I'm surprised LFE didn't come up with this Youtube that was trending last week:

Some people clearly have too much time on there hands...
However I think some of these kids will be haunted by the Romones... 4EVER:




2:22
Ramones - Beat On The Brat - CBGB 10/6/77

[derricksonb]

Not surprisingly I happen to agree with MM22 on this issue. I think in general we as parents want to make childhood as special and memorable for our little ones as much as possible, but I also agree that there are many ceremonies out there that strip down the significance of ACTUAL accomplishments. Case in Point: My son just "graduated" from pre-school and the teachers/staff held a graduation ceremony for the class complete with little diplomas, caps and gowns. It's not as if he actually achieved anything more than successfully reaching the state mandated age for entering the public school system so why all the pomp and circumstance? I believe that this is more of an example of the teachers celebrating their accomplishments of somewhat successfully preparing the little parasites to enter the public school systems.

Then there is the annual Last Day of School Ceremonies where the SAHMafia and their families show up enforce at the elementary schools along with a handful of working parents who take annual leave so they can half-enthusiastically applaud when some kids gets the "Good Friend" award. Good Friend award??? WTF does that even mean? What have these 5-7 year old kids done to show that they are actually a good friend? Nothing, but I guarantee that during high school these are the kids to whose houses their "friends" are going to flock when they need to take a pregnancy test or need a fake parental signature for that abortion..... BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT "GOOD FRIENDS" END UP DOING.

I also agree with the absurdity of competition between children and between their parents to top the other or throw the most outlandish celebration of some semi-significant event (Sweet 16, Bar or Bat Mitzvah, baptism, confirmation, elementary/middle school graduations, etc.....). This is one of the reasons why we made the conscious decision before the kids were even conceived that we were not going to be one of those families who invite other people to our home, local park or Chuck E Cheese with the expectation that invited family, neighbors and friends would bring our children expensive gifts in exchange for some crappy cake, watered down punch and a gift bag full of stickers and assorted plastic crap from the Dollar Tree. Instead, every year for the kids Birthdays we celebrate the successful escape from their mothers womb by taking a family vacation or cruise.

[chocolatebyjo]

I recently read an article (wish I could remember where) that talked about this subject. They discussed how birthday parties were simplier for us older people when we were younger, and they were more about celebrating the birthday boy or girl, not about what the attendees will get. The article said that they no longer do birthday parties for their children, but will make the day all about the birthday child, making them feel special. I'm thinking this year I'll take my kids to Medievel Times or someplace special for their birthday and make it all about them!

[grafxgirl]

I recently read an article (wish I could remember where) that talked about this subject. They discussed how birthday parties were simplier for us older people when we were younger, and they were more about celebrating the birthday boy or girl, not about what the attendees will get. The article said that they no longer do birthday parties for their children, but will make the day all about the birthday child, making them feel special. I'm thinking this year I'll take my kids to Medievel Times or someplace special for their birthday and make it all about them!

This is what we do, as DB said above. We had one birthday party here at the house, but that is because our kids wanted it (Our son and daughter share a birthday. 3 years and 1 day apart!). From that point on, we have taken them somewhere special with just the family. They usually like going to Ocean City for a long weekend, playing on the beach and in the water, walking the boardwalk, getting ice cream from Dumsers, and pigging out on crabs from Higgins. We are perfectly happy to do this because it becomes an event that is all about them, and what they want to do. When you think about the cost of birthday parties these days, a trip probably costs the same as a birthday party if not less. Here we are in June and the kids are already telling us they want to go back to OC for their birthdays in September. I think we have started a tradition.

[toberah]

I admit I probably go a bit overboard with birthday parties. But it is not dollar-wise, more of a time/crafts investment, and I don't plan to continue the theme bashes forever. I am fairly sure she will transition to a few friends and maybe a sleepover as she gets older. She is already wanting to exclude a few people in her class, but not enough to make it a party for "just a few friends" so we had a talk about how it would feel if everyone except XXX was invited. She seems to be leaning towards something smaller for next year already. This year we did a tea party, where most everything came from thrift/secondhand stores or was homemade.

I agree, however, that not everything is an event. I was reading an article a while back lamenting the use of a cap and gown for every little thing in school, that it detracted from the importance of a real graduation. I definitely agree there. K's preschool also does older grades, and apparently the kids "graduate" from every grade!

[bignerpie]

Growing up, birthday parties were a light lunch followed by cake and ice cream, with mostly family and a few friends. That's what I do for my kids now, but all the parties we've gone to are these big, extravagant things. I don't buy into that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for building a child's self esteem, but I wonder what the kids are learning by this sort of thing - by celebrating absolutely every event, are we turning our kids into self-assured confident grown-ups, or selfish, entitled, materialistic ones?

In my opinion, this breeds selfish, entitled, materialistic adults. The sort of kids that grow up to expect their first job out of school to be Senior Vice President making 6 figures and have everyone else bow down to them. If you have a job working with anyone under 30, I can guarantee that at least one of them has this attitude.

[Tony]

If I might stray off topic a moment, you guys just reminded me of my only "big" birthday party. Probably about the third grade (1963). This is a very early memory but I do remember finishing all the invitations for all my classmates. Then my mom (RIP) asked if any of them were black. She removed the two from the pile that were and assured me they wouldn't have felt comfortable at a party with everyone else. This must have been about a month after Martin Luther King spoke at the March on Washington in August 1963.

Oddly, I ended up attending high school with one of them and I think he forgave me. But actually neither of us ever mentioned it.

[MoeMoe]

not about what the attendees will get.

Its ridiculous!! The neighbor down the street here, must have spend 500 bucks on legos. She had huge bins of every color, for each kid to make his own lego frame with his name. Not to mention the frames and letters she had to buy. This was for a 4 year old. Then, not to be outdone the neighbor next to her had a pumpkin for each kid to decorate/paint!! There are 35 kids just on this street.....no thanks.

[snickerdoodle]

I had a well reasoned and thought provoking(I hope) reply to this topic and while revising it the web page expired.
I thought it was like writing on paper and would stay until I was done.
How silly. Seems I have learned more about computers.

[StickonFreeze]

I believe that this is more of an example of the teachers celebrating their accomplishments of somewhat successfully preparing the little parasites to enter the public school systems.

I think the "preschool graduation" is more of a farewell to friends than anything else. At least at my kids' preschool, it's the last time some kids will spend significant time with kids that they have grown close to. I don't think anyone actually thinks leaving preschool is a real accomplishment, but it's a significant milestone....like a birthday.

[StickonFreeze]

Its ridiculous!! The neighbor down the street here, must have spend 500 bucks on legos. She had huge bins of every color, for each kid to make his own lego frame with his name. Not to mention the frames and letters she had to buy. This was for a 4 year old. Then, not to be outdone the neighbor next to her had a pumpkin for each kid to decorate/paint!! There are 35 kids just on this street.....no thanks.

The birthday party arms race is really out of control in Fairfax and Loudoun.