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Thread: Red States vs. Blue States

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    Default Red States vs. Blue States

    This needed to be shared here:

    "Red States and Blue States"
    , sent to me by a friend in a Blue State on the eve of the election. My apologies to any friends in Red States who don't find it humorous.


    Dear Red States:


    We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics, so we've decided we're leaving.


    We in New York, Mass and CA intend to form our own country and we're taking all the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Md, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Vermont, the rest of the Northeast, and DC also.


    We believe this split will be beneficial to the entire nation and especially to the people of our new country called "The Enlightened States of America" (E.S.A).


    To sum up briefly:


    You get Texas, Oklahoma, AZ and all the slave states.


    We get stem cell research, the best beaches, and we'll take all of the creative gay people you don't want anyway.


    We get Barack and Michelle, Bill & Hillary, Andrew Cuomo, Elizabeth Warren, and Dianne Feinstein. You get Bobby Jindal, Rick Perry and Todd Akin.


    We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.


    We get Apple, Intel, Microsoft and all the smart technology. You get WorldCom, the Koch Bros, and all the coal/oil pollution.


    We get Harvard, Yale, Columbia, UC, Stanford and Princeton. You get Ole' Miss.


    We get Silicon Valley, NYC, San Fran, Seattle and 85 percent of America's venture capital and best entrepreneurs.


    You get Alabama and Arkansas.


    We get two-thirds of all the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.


    Our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition states, so we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of angry single moms and deadbeat dads.


    With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve Ripple at your state dinners), 90% of the best cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all the living redwoods, solar power, the Sequoias and condors, all the Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, UC, UCLA, Cal Tech and MIT.


    With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all the obese Americans and their projected healthcare costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all the Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, plus Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.


    You get the 38% of those in the Red states who believe that the world was created in 7 days and that Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, the 62% who are pro-life for fetuses but not for the kids who are actually born or their Moms, those who believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, the 44% who know that evolution is only a theory, the 53% who still believe that Saddam was part of 9/11 and had weapons of mass destruction, that Obama was born in Kenya, and the 61% of those crazy bastards who even believe they have higher morals than we do.


    Sincerely,


    A Citizen of the Enlightened States of America
    Quote Originally Posted by Kensey View Post
    Life's rough. Buy a helmet."


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    Sounds good, but we have to leave the unenlightened state of West Virginia first.
    Not Shannondale
    Mountainside Road

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    I love it!
    I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights. "Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories" by Dr. Seuss

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    Quote Originally Posted by kconant View Post
    Sounds good, but we have to leave the unenlightened state of West Virginia first.
    Unless of course the Eastern Panhandle gets cut off....

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    This gives a bit more perspective, taken from facebook.


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    How about we do it by county instead? red_vs_blue_county_2004.jpg

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    Since apparently now we are SO MUCH better off after this election that it's time to dig up 7 year old craigslist posts originally circulated to whine about the previous administrations win. I figured I'd post my favorite rebuttal.

    "Dear Blue States:

    Well, imagine our relief that you’ve decided to secede and form some sort of bathing-optional commune headquartered in California. The money we'll save in aspirin, now that we won’t have headaches from listening to your interminable whining, will be worth it to us alone.

    We'll finally be rid of you lazy, moping, latte-sucking Streisand fans now that you're actually going to follow through--for once--on your promise to finally get off your butts and leave, as so many of you claimed you would every election cycle and then chickened out of actually doing. (Yeah, we’re looking at you, Alec Baldwin.)

    But not so fast. You don’t get to take all the Blue States with you--just the Blue parts.

    We hate to break it to you, but your Blue States aren’t actually "blue." Mostly, they’re states full of Red counties with pockets of Blue urban blight in them, who vote Democratic in such numbers that if the same results came out of a Third World country—which, come to think of it, many of the "Blue" counties pretty much are—we’d think it was fraud and send some election observers from the UN.

    Even California is pretty much a Red State: Bush won 35 out of 58 counties, while Kerry won LA and San Francisco. You want 'em? we certainly won’t fight you for them but you're going to have to found New California without 35 of your most beautiful counties and your second-largest city. Sorry about that.

    Nationally, Bush won over 2.5 million square miles of U.S. counties (and an extra three and a half million votes, but we won't rub that in.) Kerry won less than 600,000 square miles--meaning that in most states he was popular downtown and pretty much nowhere else. In other words, your guy won the places that people like him would get shot if he walked through them at night. Our guy won every place else.

    So, the bottom line is that you don't get the Blue States. Those states have lots of towns and counties that would rather blow their dams and flood themselves out of existence rather than go with you. No, instead, you get the Blue Cities.

    But wait…we really feel we owe you full disclosure on this exchange. This might come as an unpleasant surprise, but you don’t actually get the lower divorce and single-motherhood rates and all that other good stuff you think you're going to snag. Those are the conditions that are actually found out in the Red counties—not in the Blue cities, and you can't have them.

    Instead you get the urban single moms, not the soccer moms; the drug addicts, not the doctors; the waiters, not the chefs. You get the fine service you've come to expect from the brutal and corrupt inner-city police departments. You get the abysmal literacy rates and schools that are more dangerous than most prisons. All in all, you get to take with you a public sector in most cities so unmanageable they make Mogadishu seem like a tidily run little municipality by comparison.

    You get the labor union shakedown artists, "teachers" who can’t pass tests in their own subject, and city government leaders for whom graft, racial spoils systems, and outright theft are a way of life. They’re all very enthusiastic Blue voters, as you know, and we’re sure they’ll stampede their way to New California to start draining your wallets, wrecking your schools, and in general making a mess of your lives.

    (And don't come complaining back to us when socialist central planning does for New California what it did for garden spots like East Berlin and Pyongyang. We're putting a strict visa system into place once you all go.)

    We, on the other hand, get those Red city suburbs and rural districts. You know, the ones with the good schools, the high property values, the quiet streets and the sheriffs and cops who don’t need to walk around armored up like they’re about to storm the Sunni Triangle.

    Oh and don’t concern yourself with our agricultural capacity after all, they don't call it "the breadbasket" for nothin'. We’ll keep right on producing the vast majority of wheat, corn, oats, rye, potatoes, soybeans, beef, chicken and pork.

    We’ve always preferred a nice, unpretentious, frosty mug of brew anyway and hey, maybe you can make a salad with those pineapples, stem cells, and lettuce.

    And don't even think about keeping the National Parks, the wide open spaces, all those water resources, and all the rest of America's natural splendor, since those are all pretty much located in Red counties.

    Hell, we even get most of Oregon and Washington ...ain’t it ironic? You get the urban liberals in Portland and Seattle and their friends in important social organizations (like, say, drug-running street gangs) and we get the rest of the Northwest.

    Ok by us; we’d be fools not to take you up on it.

    Here’s how it will work; all of you Blue whiners, please feel free to look at a map of the electoral results county by county in each state, and take the people with you who’ve made it clear they’d like to go.

    That means you get places like downtown Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, and we get to keep the rest of beautiful Pennsylvania, thanks.

    You get to administer bloated public services to the violent, drug-addled, gunslinging populations of delightful inner-city sinkholes of poverty and corruption such as Miami, St. Louis,Atlanta and the ever-popular District of Columbia--which has been governed by liberals (and the occasional crackhead) for so long and so incompetently that any semblance of order has broken down (beyond the carefully guarded borders of your Georgetown bistros, natch) to the point where even the mayor once asked the President to have the city patrolled by National Guardsmen.

    Lucky you, it's all yours--enjoy it in good health, and don’t forget to wear your Kevlar...Blue "voters" up there in Northeast DC tend to be jumpy on the ol' trigger finger.

    In fact, all around our great nation, you get to keep all the Blue voters who’ve made urban war zones like downtown Detroit--a Blue bastion, of course--the proud showplaces they are today.

    We get the rest of Blue states like Michigan and Wisconsin and Illinois and...well, frankly, just about every state in the Union with the exception of Hawaii and New England--and even there, we’ll just hang on to a couple of chunks of New Hampshire and Connecticut.

    You’re especially more than welcome to Rhode Island, which will immediately set up some sort of money-laundering scheme and bilk the rest of you once it has been incorporated into whatever sort of muddle-headed utopia you’re trying to create.

    The former mayor of Providence should be out of Federal prison in time to join your Politburo and help you get things set up--for a small consulting fee, of course

    Cont.

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    If you would please, take another look at the list of best beaches and notice what color states they are in. We'll miss the Hawaiian beaches, but since long stretches of coastline from New Jersey down to Florida and yes, even in Southern California (including San Diego, thanks) are actually in Red counties, we'll be fine.

    Sure, we get the rednecks and holy rollers. But since you're apparently willing to trade them for the gangs and psychopaths terrorizing your Blue cities, what can we say? You want the Crips and the Bloods in low riders raking your streets with automatic gunfire, and you're offering us Bubba heading off to church in his pickup?

    Hey, a deal's a deal. Done.

    True, you also get Manhattan, but darn the luck, you have to take the rest of the city, including the Bronx, Queens, and Brooklyn too, as well as Long Island, which is enough to almost make us feel sorry for you all out there in New California. (Almost.)

    For our part, we’ll take most of the rest of gorgeous New York State, although you get the scam artists who infest the legislature in Albany.

    And since for some unfathomable reason you actually want Elliot Spitzer, we’ll buy his plane ticket as a gesture of goodwill.

    So that’s the deal. You get the cities, with all the crime, crack mommies, and corruption you can stand.

    And sure, you get many of the elite colleges too, with the professors who think that terrorists in Fallujah are freedom fighters and that the people who worked in the Twin Towers on 9/11 were no better than Nazis—forgive us for not lamenting over this loss.

    We get the suburbs, the countryside, and all the other beautiful places that remain unspoiled by liberal hypocrisy and addle-brained social experimentation.

    And we'd like a favor, too: please keep your sky-high tax and crime rates, since we're happy to have the corporations and jobs that continue to flee your Blue cities into our Red counties. It's much appreciated, since our unemployment rates, to say nothing of our crime, single-parenting, and illiteracy rates, are far lower than yours.

    Oh, and one last thing. We get the U.S. military, too. Did we mention that part? (You may have forgotten that they're volunteers, and most are happy Red state voters.)

    Not to worry, though, since we’re sure that Islamic fundamentalist terrorists will be more than happy to reach an accommodation with a society that embraces radical feminism, gay marriage, gun control, hostility to organized religion of any kind, and Salman Rushdie. Good luck with that.

    But one day when some misogynist Saudi freak--who no doubt will sneak into your country by strolling over the northern border after a few years sucking on the Canadian welfare system you all admire so much--blows up a couple kilos of plutonium on Sunset Boulevard, go send Sean Penn to ask the French for help. We’ll be busy that day.

    Sincerely,

    The Red States"

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    Quote Originally Posted by saltman241 View Post
    How about we do it by county instead? red_vs_blue_county_2004.jpg
    Did you notice that is a map of the 2004 election you posted?

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    Also, this article is a fascinating read and offers a geological explanation of why those deep red southern states have an interesting blue swath through them when broken up by county.

    http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwich/20...t-still-kickin

    It's links the blue swath to plankton from 100 million years ago. Fascinating.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowplay View Post
    Did you notice that is a map of the 2004 election you posted?
    I figured it was appropriate since the OP's "letter" is from 2005. You can look at 08's it's not much different.

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    Most interesting to see in the next four years is what the GOP may do to try to correct course. The country has had many political parties over the years; those that don't manage the correction quickly fall to obscurity. I mean, who's ever even met a Whig? And as the recent film Lincoln points out, not so long ago it was the Republicans that were the most liberal party.


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    Two very different POVs which makes this country the best (uh, except for possibly France--no comments about how "rude" some French are as we are all rude).

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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowplay View Post
    This gives a bit more perspective, taken from facebook.

    I'm not sure I understand this one. What are the colors supposed to represent?
    --Greg

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    Quote Originally Posted by longleaf View Post
    I'm not sure I understand this one. What are the colors supposed to represent?
    Instead of the traditional electoral vote state election map, which shows only the two colors of red or blue dependent upon how the state (or county as the case may be) electoral votes were awarded, this map shows the states as a hue of the colors red and blue to reflect the actual voting percentages for each candidate. Blue and red combined at different percentages produce various purple hues, thus the amount of red in the hue of a state represents the amount of Republican votes while the amount of blue in a state's hue represents Democrat votes.

    Honestly, this whole Red State vs. Blue State notion is beginning to take on a "been there, done that" kind of feel.

    Last edited by shadowplay; 11-11-2012 at 04:53 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowplay View Post
    the amount of red in the hue of a state represents the amount of republican votes while the amount of blue in a state's hue represents Democratic votes.
    From the map (I didn't check actual stats) the most red is Utah and it appears the bluest would be Vermont and then Hawaii (it looks like there's a speck of true blue where D.C. is located). That seems reasonable.
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    This thread is quite telling in regards to how the liberal elite in this country truly feel about the rest of their countrymen. If you truly feel that you are in some way shape or form superior to us simple country folk who don't have fancy overpriced degrees from Harvard or Princeton then leave to go form your very own over-taxed, green-energy utopia where you're free to marry whomever you wish, are not bothered by the confines of organized religion, have circle jerk after circle jerk at the Starbucks located on every corner while congratulating each other on how enlightened you are and where nobody has to work or support themselves. Meanwhile the rest of us will continue to be productive members of the United States of America. We will enjoy a plethora of energy, an abundance of farm raised foods (cuz let's face it- in an enlightened society no latte-drinking, college-educated fancy-pants is going to want to be a simple farmer and "plowing the back 40" will have an entirely different meaning), lower taxes and less people dependent on government assistance and less regulations to drive up the costs of manufacturing the products which we will export to your new country.
    "BRIAN, Close the window! You're letting all the Stank out...." "Ahh, ahh, ahh and boom goes the dynamite."

    DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS(It's not nice to pick on retards.)

    01/20/2013

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    Some of those degree'd fancy pant liberals work WITH the farmers to ferret out diseases/plagues that destroy farms and a way of life. Go get yourself a latte and chill.

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    Quote Originally Posted by longleaf View Post
    I'm not sure I understand this one. What are the colors supposed to represent?
    The popular vote. Or at least, the two-party vote. But I too can't quite figure out how it was done. And certainly simply mixing red and blue in an RGB color system won't result in a very accurate result as concerns human vision? It might make more sense to try a rainbow scale from Red to Blue that passes through Green (ROYGBIV), but that too would need to be weighted for human vision. Maybe best would be a simple luminance scale of 0-255 showing black states and white states. Anyway, as a quick and dirty project this one works fine.

    As for latte-swilling farmers, I think there are a lot more of those these days than you might imagine. Long gone are the days they were isolated on their farms and only got out to the Picture Show once a year.

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